I've never done a sportive

The thing about cycling is that I never get to do it as much as I intend to. The more I think about this the more I realise that there are several really good reasons why this happens.

Firstly, my plans are always essentially vague; I must cycle more this year, I say emphatically (actually, probably not say, just, well, think, but emphatically, definitely emphatically...). I don't say "I must cycle 100 miles a week", or "I must cycle 3000 miles this year", or anything at all specific, I just say "I must cycle more". And then, obviously, I just don't.

My second excuse is that I don't do any cycling type events. If it was running we were talking about here I would have signed up for 10 events by now, and then I would have to get out the door and train to avoid turning up at a race I was entirely unprepared for, and having to walk most of it. And I don't underestimate the word "race"; if you run, at whatever standard, you will eventually enter a race. Not an event, a race.

Then there is my training partner (who is also my wife), who doesn't really cycle much. If we go out running, we tend to go together, and if we go swimming, we do that together. We usually enter the same races, and sometimes we even run them together. She does go out on the tandem with me, but doesn't currently cycle on a solo bike with me (or at all really). This means that when I cycle, I go on my own, and although she is quite encouraging and probably doesn't really hold it against me, I have this sense of smouldering resentment in my mind. And while I am out she usually does especially useful things like earning money or even hoovering the rugs, and this just makes me feel more guilty (sometimes she does less useful things like rearranging her collection of nail polishes in order of the colour spectrum, but this is obviously just scary).

So this year I have a plan to address those very issues.

First of all, I have a goal: a rather conservative (and therefore eminently achievable) cycling target of 2000 miles (or 3220 km to be more traditional).

Secondly, I have entered an event.

At this point I need to digress a little once again. I have never, to date, completed (or even started, although I did once enter) a cycling sportive or an audax, or a race or a time trial, and to be honest races and time trials are entirely out of my league.

As for sportives, I'm a bit put off by sportives as I have a slightly biased view of them as being full of "middle aged men in lycra", comparing their latest shiny carbon fibre "steeds" and "weapons of choice" and discussing the merits of leading brands of energy gel. And then they would all humiliate me by being faster than me.

I'm also a bit put off by Audax events as I have a slightly biased view of them as being full of  mildly eccentric bearded blokes, on outlandish recumbents, saddlebags bulging with moth eaten windcheaters and lemon curd sandwiches. And then they would all humiliate me by being faster than me. Even the 84 year old on a "trice".

But at least audax events are cheap; with a sportive I may well have to pay 75 quid to ride the same public roads I could ride any day of the year, the sole difference being that if I choose to do the sportive I get a "free" banana and an out of date energy bar half way round.

Anyway, to return to the point, I have entered an event... and it is a sportive. It is only 60 miles (100 km), but it does give me something to train towards. And I need to see if my prejudices are justified in any way. I also need to be sure about the audax things, so I have one or two of them on my radar, but I may need to enter incognito given my comments about the lemon curd.

So I think I have finally arrived at my plan to address the third and final problem; how to stop feeling guilty about Mrs JD. And the answer is.... I have entered an event, but better still, so has she, and we are going to do it together on the tandem. Which means we need to train together on the tandem... and so harmony is restored.

Footnotes;
(1) We have entered the Virgin Money Cyclone Challenge B ride on the 29th June, and are considering the 100km mini Dales tour audax on the 8th September.
(2) I was only joking about the lemon curd.
(3) I am still fairly sure most people at an audax event would be able to humiliate me by being faster than me over any distance greater than 500m.